I’ve been struggling again the last few weeks. I’ve gotten to the point on this journey of discovery, where you start to realise how tough some of the changes are. So many things we do are automatic, and we have done things a certain way for so long, we can’t even remember why we were doing it that way to start with.

The best way to describe it is, my brain is screaming out ’stop’ at the top of it’s lungs. You are moving too fast, or do you really want to do this. You know deep down that the changes you making are for your own well being in the long run, where the status quo (i’ll call it the 8 year old child) goes why the hell do we need to change anything.

It has gotten so bad recently that it is keeping me awake at night, which is affecting my ability to think straight, or do the things I want to do. I’ve also been wrestling with some demons from my past. Things so deeply disturbing from my childhood, that it has affected every decision in my adult life. Now that it has come to light, I’m finding it frustrating to see the damage that certain events can have on the way you approach situations in you life. I’ve been shaking my head in disbelief with a lot of it.

So where to from here? I keep putting one foot in front of the other. There will be setbacks, and that’s all part of this journey. It is however time to start putting some focus on things I enjoy, as well as the things that help me grow.

Most important thing right now is to be getting plenty of rest, and sleep. So it’s going to my focus for the next little while.

Stop 5 : Paris

The overnight train from Rome ended up being good fun. I was playing cards with an italian family who didn’t speak any english, but was a lot of fun. Got into Paris well rested, and had a nice easy trip to the hotel. Well what can I say about Paris that most people haven’t already said. I did like the place, but not as much as other places I had already been. The city itself is beautiful, but beyond the hype I couldn’t say I found it any more romantic than say Sydney.

I had been to other parts of France before, and always found the French people to be inviting and very welcoming. Paris it’s the opposite story. I find them much the same as New Yorkers, and the reputation for rudeness is well earned. It’s like having to chip through a tough outer shell, to get to the person inside. Don’t get me wrong I did enjoy myself a lot. And once you get through that outer shell, you find some amazing people. It can get a bit tiring though after a while. Especially with how inviting the italians were the week before.

Stop 6 : London

I love london. It feels alive, and I just love exploring the place. It was however ruined on me this time. I won’t go into details, but I didn’t get anywhere near the amount of things done that I wanted to, which pissed me off  a lot. But who said life was fair.

Stop 3 : Sweeden

Next stop on my trip was Sweden. I’ve known Marko online for several years, and thought it was about time to go and visit him. I said my good byes to Ireland, and headed off to Copenhagen, as it was the easiest way to go to Southern Sweden. He met me at the airport, and we got a train to Helsinor for the ferry across to Helsingborg. It’s a very pretty part of the world, and it was doing my head in that I was in the third country on the same day. I have to say the customs booth at Copenhagen was funny. I handed over my passport. He smiles goes oh your a bloody long way from home, stamped it and handed it back. No other questions at all.

We hung around for a few days, he took me up to Sweeden’s second largest city Gotenburg, and I really had a lovely relaxing time. Met some of his friends, and man I just needed to chill. There was a music festival all around the town, and it was full of life.

A couple of things about the sweedes:

• Cold to start with, but once they open up they are incredibly friendly and welcoming. I found the Australian accent helped a lot, as many of us don’t travel this far north so every wanted to have a chat.
• I don’t think I hardly saw a fat person, so I noticed people staring a lot.

Stop 4 : Rome

Next stop was Rome. Landed at the airport early evening, and man it was hot. The Italian’s have no customs to speak off, it was walk straight out to the airport. Had a crazy transfer already organised, and it was an adventure in itself. 140 km/h weaving in and out of traffic, while the two japanese girls that were also on the bus holding on for dear life, and muttering things that would be impolite to repeat here.

I was already in love with Rome, and i’d only been here 10 minutes. I felt at home. The Italian’s were warm and welcoming, and went out of their way to help you. Even if you didn’t speak a word of Italian. Made for some very amusing pointing, and waving at things.

The next 5 days here were incredible, and were the highlight of my trip. Hightlights

• Vatican
• All the old ruins, churches, temples, coliseum, the forum the list goes on and on and on
• The people I met. So friendly and open. Have kept in touch with all of them
• The Vibe, the Grim, the piazza’s.
• Could live here for a couple of years just exploring everything!
• Oh and the food! It was fantastic.

I, like many subscribers of jetstars offers, would of got this gem this morning.

‘Introducing The Jetstar Customer Guarantee’

Most of it is pretty much your standard garbage that ‘ALL’ customer service organisations wax lyrical about. But No.6 sums it up better than I ever could.

“6. You will get what you paid for”

I don’t really expect much from airlines. Discount airlines doubly so. I find the complaining that I hear from friends, relatives, and numerous blogs and websites I visit to be full of discount airline drama. From reading most of it, it seems to come down to two things:

• That the plane was late, crap food, won’t let me take, make me pay more than i thought etc etc. ie. People who haven’t traveled till airline travel got so cheap that it made it affordable. So they whine about every little inconvenience they experience.
• You paid all of the cost of your weekly train ticket to get to another place in the country, and all you do is bitch and moan.

All I can say is Jetstar have now told you. You will get what you paid for. You didn’t pay much, so don’t expect to get much.

If you don’t like it, pay more, and fly with someone else. Oh you can’t afford to pay more? Well once again, you got what you paid for. Jetstar should rename itself bogan air, and be done with it. Would save all the confusion of it being better than what it is.

In the middle of last year my brother just younger than me got married. It’s not like I need much of an excuse to travel, but this was a little bit special. I hadn’t been on an oversea big trip in a few years which made me both nervous and excited at the same time. I thought I would share part of that holiday with you.

Stop 1: UK and Global Gathering

I had wanted to do ‘Global Gathering’ for years. I downloaded the essential mixes of dj’s live at GG, and heard the punters going off partying like there was no tomorrow at an air field smack bang in the middle of Shakespears countryside. It’s held each year outside of Staftford Upon Avon, and this year it was my turn to go! I can’t explain how excited I was. It was mad fun, and saw everything that I wanted to see. I didn’t take many photo’s because I was too busy dancing, and talking to randoms.

Stop 2: The Wedding, and the Irish Countryside.

Everything you have heard about Ireland is true. They are as friendly as people say, they are as drunk all the time as people say, and they are as hard to understand when they are excited as say a drunk Irishman can. My Brother only set one rule. If ‘ANYONE’ buys you a beer, you must return the favour, as it’s considered rude not to. Fair enough I thought to myself, that’s a rule i can live with. What I didn’t realise was, how hard it was going to be actually enforce it.

Had an amazing time. The hightlights included:

• Galway Races
• Banquet at Banratty Castle
• Beautiful Irish Countryside
• Little Irish men that talk to you so fast you can’t understand a word.
• Irish Bands
• Lots of Guinness (i mean LOTS)
• The Reception – one of the best weddings i’ve ever been to

Back in may of last year, Sydney hosted a festival called Vivid. It was based around light and sound, and their were amazing sites to be seen around the city. Here is some of the photo’s I took of the opera house.

At the beginning of December,  I was thinking about what New Years resolutions I wanted to write down and work on. About 20 minutes into it, I was like ‘what the..’ and promptly stopped. I didn’t want 2010 to be the same as the years that had gone before it. I wanted to make some changes, and my standard new years resolutions weren’t going to cut it. Like most people I would put them down, and by February they were all forgotten about.

I was single for the first time in years, and had lost the shield of a relationship to prevent me from doing the things I should be doing. I have to admit I’m damn lonely at the moment, but it does allow me to have a deeper look into myself and my life.

I decided 2010 was going to be a project, the beginning of a multi-year project. About those things I had been putting off for years. The things I didn’t like about myself, the things I could afford to let go of, and the things I wanted to change. It started off a massive list. I didn’t restrict anything at all. I have to admit it was huge, and it looked very intimidating at first.

One thing that seemed to be showing up through all of this, that most of things I needed help with needed Money of some sorts. Before you arc up and complain that money doesn’t bring you happiness. I know that only to well, but overwhelming debt can make you completely miserable, and effect all facets of your life.  I’m not going to get into detail of what got me into this amount of debt, people close to me already know.

So I ended up with a number of Category’s to work from, which turned out to be.

• Financial Responsibility
• Mental Health & Spirituality
• Physical Health
• Education
• Social Life
• Living Space
• Life Plan
• Relationships

So instead of trying to multitask it, and fail on the first day. I’m focusing on one thing, and when it is settled and bedded in moving on to the next thing.

Well one month in, most of the changes I wanted to financially are done. There will be some on-going maintenance with it, but I’m now happy where most things stand. I will have more money to focus on the other things in my list and life, which are important to me.

I’m actually quite proud of myself today, cause instead of sticking my head in the sand, and hoping it goes away, I feel like I”m starting to move in the right direction.

Well I’ve started exercising more. At the moment it’s not really rocket science, seeing I’m so far overweight any extra movement will undoubtedly result in my losing some weight.

I’m starting to feel a little better. I’m consistently doing 10,000 or so steps per day, and in a month I’m going to ramp that up even more.  The only problems I’ve come across is chaffing. So this weekend going to look for some compression shorts or cycle shorts to help out in that regard. I’m in a fair bit of pain at the moment, and want it to stop.

Waist : 159 cm
Hips :  127 cm
Chest : 144 cm
Weight : 151 kg
Morning BGL : 9.8 (mmol/dl)

The streets around my parents place come alive on Xmas eve. The whole street puts tealights in brown sandwich bags, plays music, shares beers, and has santa roaming the streets. It’s very much like Christmas’s i remember as a kid, where the whole street got involved.

Even a Christmas cynic like myself was smiling like an idiot. I took a few photos. I need more practice with night work on my camera. Click on the photo for some more I took.

I’m feeling a bit nostalgic at the moment. It’s been a tough year for me. I’m hoping 2010 will bring some new, exciting and good things. I’ve had a lot of fun, my health has been a bit dodgy, and I had a long term relationship go down the drain when I wasn’t looking. I travelled overseas for my brothers wedding, met some amazing new people, and realised that my life back at home wasn’t that great.

So I end the year single, still struggling with my health, and contemplating/making some very big changes in my life. Some have already happened, some are in the pot cooking away waiting to happen early in the new year. The big thing is, I’m making decisions and going through with them. Not just sitting back hoping things will get better. I’ve had that attitude for too long. I have no idea how I expected things to get better if i wasn’t changing myself.

Full of great ideas, that never happened, cause I was too lazy, stubborn, or caught up in the every day existence to put any effort towards them. So things stay the same. Not any more.

I’m in Wollongong today ready for a family Christmas. I’m actually looking forward to it this year, as it’s Riley’s first one (my brother & his wife has a baby boy this year) and want to see the look on his face. I’m also looking forward to seeing all my old school friends on boxing day.

So…

MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all. I hope all your hopes and dreams are fulfilled this holiday season, and if they aren’t that you are moving towards them.

The one thing we are all to rejoice in, is ‘we are still here’. Any day above ground is a good day.

hugs

Adz